Dealing With Difficult People

To live means to change, to settle down, being yourself. This process of change which corresponds to a progressive adjustment effort, between our fellows and us often takes place in an unconscious way. In case of difficult personalities, this change is problematic, imperfect and incomplete. How it could be spoken about change for people whose way of being is difficult? Does it depend totally on subject? Should circumstance pressure on subject, a circumstance that his behavior bothered and made to suffer enough?

It’s my personality

We are firmly attached to our personality with its strengths and weaknesses and it’s normal to be so, because this is our identity. It happens that we want to change some habits: for example you want to be less anxious, more flexible, less jealous, more optimistic or less likely.

How to behave with difficult personalities

Often we are aware that this change will not take seriously our personality and if necessary we are ready to accept. Sometimes this is not for difficult personalities who will refuse to be engaged into a process of change because they are afraid to lose their personality. Most psychologists and psychiatrists talk about improvement or adaptability when they want to qualify their work with pathological personalities; none of them try to do a radical change. The confusion of changing or not is in the mind of many people.

To change yourself

It’s awfully hard to change your own personality. How to explain that human mind is powerless when it comes to change some habits? No doubt, changing your way of being is the most difficult possible attempt.

Pasteur and Clemanceau could change the history of science or art, but they couldn’t change their own characters. Did their characters contribute to their glory, after all? If difficult personalities are useful in unusual circumstances, most of time they seem to be less adapted to daily life.

Understand and accept

Typically a subject with a difficult personality doesn’t behave in a problematic manner of pleasure, but fear: this difficult personality is ruled by fear to be abandoned, misunderstood, abused or to risk with loved people… If you are not aware of this, if you don’t foresee vulnerability behind this uncomfortable attitude you will follow the path that leads to conflicts and misunderstandings.

Don’t blame and don’t give up the essential aspects

When you want someone to change, the main question is:” Why do you want him/her to change himself/herself?”, “What right do I have to determine what is right or wrong and to make pressure on other person? “

The persona with difficult personality will change her attitude when others speak sincerely without aggression, about problems that she brings. It’s better to talk about own needs, than other’s obligations, to start from concrete situations, than all sorts of great principles, to speak about behavior and not the person, to describe and not to convict…