The Fear of Sexual Failure

Popular Psychology. Psychologist’s advice on a daily basis. The fear of sexual failure

The issue

Some men are so concerned about their sexual abilities, that it prevents them from leading a normal sex life. Sexologists call this phenomenon ”an observation of the outsider”, as the man at the same time does not feel as an active partner, but as an observer. If he is afraid that will not reach an erection, this fear may be realized. Healthy man can bring the fear of premature ejaculation, or inability to perform its functions  in those days that were scheduled for conception. This is a very common phenomenon, as the physiology of sexual intercourse requires a man: to be able to get an erection. The woman can remain a passive participant, and at the same time can enjoy success in sexual terms.

The reason

Man suffers enormous stress on the need to show himself in bed from his best side. Whether it’s James Bond film or advertising cologne is permeated all the same inexorable idea: a man should be able to lay in bed beauties and do it brilliantly. The problem is quite serious in itself. In addition to the development of the women’s movement for their rights, there was another problem: the wives and girlfriends have become justly to demand that the men enjoyed not only themselves but also their partners. Not surprisingly, therefore, that the slightest failure of some of them makes them lose confidence in themselves and begin to experience the fear of possible failure. The stronger the fear is, the less hope for success. Worse than a man behaves in bed, the greater is his fear. A vicious circle.

Did you know that?

Bill Margold never feared failure in sex that was a real joy for him. The success of his career was totally dependent on constant alert for erection and ejaculation. The fact is that Margold starred in about 500 sex scenes from 300 ’adult films’.
“I was never really nervous before sex scenes. I’m more worried not to forget the text, “- said Margold.”I could have sex at least in the Roman Coliseum or the Los Angeles Memorial. I had sex so much, that would be enough for ten lifetimes. ”
How did he do it? He just did not take sex seriously and cared about himself. The trick is in one word, relax. Let nature take care of everything. Do not be ashamed of your nakedness, in contrast, try to resurrect the innocence and chastity that were peculiar to you in early childhood. And what particularly excited him? Kisses. ”This is a sure way to excite me. I love kissing. “

How serious is that?

Fear of failure can paralyze your sex life, according to sexologists and psychologists. There is no doubt that some deal with this problem simply ceasing to even attempt to have sex. It is easier not to do anything.

Urgent actions

Talk about your problems with your partner. In this way, you transfer them from the category of hidden flaws in the category of problems that you face together. This advice is also useful if you have recently met with a woman and you are going to engage with her in an intimate relationship for the first time.

The solution

Change the position. Try “woman on top.” In this situation, a man feels the most free in his actions, making it easier to achieve and maintain an erection.
Throw out extraneous thoughts. You are overworked at the office, at home unpaid bills accumulate… Leave these and other concerns beyond the threshold of the bedroom.
Create the right atmosphere. One of the surest ways to focus the mind on the partner, throwing everyday worries is to create an atmosphere, condusive to lovemaking. Light the candles, turn on music or think of something else that will set you both on a romantic mood.
Change the setting. However, the soft dim light and quiet gentle music – all will be in vain if in the room suddenly burst your kids or there be endlessly ringing the phone. Nice and cheap way out is to hire a babysitter for the kids and spend the weekend at a local hotel, caressing and nurturing each other.
Low the bar. Do not complicate your life, trying to match imaginary ideals. Do not imagine yourself a great lover. And say to yourself: “I’m not a great lover, I’m just learning.”

Alternative approaches

Banish anxiety, erotic massage helps men very well to relieve stress and express themselves adequately in bed. Here’s how to do it: you and your partner on turns massage each other. You are naked and performing a massage using a variety of oils, talc - any tool as desired by the partner. Sexual intercourse is not required, even if the man will reach an erection.
Your goal is to create an atmosphere of sensual relationship with the partner, you are not pressed to perform sexual intercourse. Often during the massage alarm goes off and you have all turns out. It is recommended to conduct such sessions of “just massage” three or four times, and only after a man achieved an erection, re-attempt a sexual act. If the fear comes back, repeat the procedure again. If the massage does not work, replace it with caresses and kisses, as initially refraining from sexual intercourse.

Prophylaxis

Do not try to compare. Attempts to compare your own and others’ sexual performance - whether it’s bragging to friends or the passions on screen is a sure way to aggravate your fear of failure. Also, finding out how things are going in the other men in fact, is very difficult. Few would openly talk about their successes in sex. Even close friends can hardly tell you the truth.